I can't fix it!

Making Your Bed

I had my latest doctor appointment this morning, to discuss my most recent blood work, and try to get closer to deciphering which autoimmune disease I have. My prayer, as of late, has been for either a diagnosis or healing, because I'm exhausted of the not knowing. Preferably, of course, I wanted healing! For details on the issues I've had recently regarding my health, my previous blog explains a bit more. All that's important here, is that I was tired of walking in the unknown. 

A few months ago, while praying for answers, I felt it impressed on my heart to change my diet. I was convicted of not being a good steward of my body. So, I started doing research on autoimmune diseases, not knowing which one I had. I decided to start the AIP(autoimmune protocol). I was still praying for healing as I made drastic changes to what I put in my body, as well as adopting other new habits.

In John 5, Jesus is at the pool of Bethesda. This is where many disabled waited for the waters to be stirred, so they could receive their healing. There was this one man though, who had been in this condition for 38 years! Jesus asked this man, "Do you want to get well?". We do not know exactly what was wrong with this man, but we know he couldn't walk. The man answered, "Sir, I have no one to help me into the pool, when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.". This part here, is super relatable to me. Feeling passed over, because of a lack of resources, in this case familial poverty;not having people to help. But, Jesus responds in a way that is so simple, yet straightforward. I like it when Jesus is straight forward, not that I don't love his parables, but there's something gangsta about when Jesus would give such direct responses. And this was his response, "Get up, pick up your mat, and walk.". He didn't say, "get up", or "walk", or even "get up and walk"! He added that the man should pick up his mat. 

{{Take a moment to mull this over, don't miss it, it's important}}

He sat on that mat, waiting each year for his chance at healing. That mat, is where he parked himself, because he couldn't walk. If you are sitting on a mat, you are trying to create some comfort from the surface below you, which is uncomfortable. Bear with me here! What is your mat??? Where are you trying to get comfortable, where you should be uncomfortable? Where are you parking yourself? Where are you just waiting?

During my appointment this morning, I was told that my labs are clear. There is nothing in my labs that points towards actively having an autoimmune disease, and given that my symptoms have improved so much...I am fine! Except for some warning signs of early osteoarthritis in my my knees and feet(which run in the family), there is no MS/Lupus/Lyme/etc. The doctor asked what have I been doing differently, and I answered that adjusting my diet was the biggest change. When I told her that it was the AIP, her eyes lit up like Christmas tree lights. Long story short, she wants me to continue on AIP, start some specific exercises, and follow up in a few months. 

For a brief moment, a few months back, I almost succumbed to the idea that I would have to accept a life of medications and pain. But, I knew that wasn't God's best for me! Side note, I am NOT anti medications or conventional medicine at all! There are many times when medicine may be the only thing keeping a person functioning, or even alive, I know this. But, in MY case, there was no logic to accepting a life of side effect inducing medications, without using food as medicine first! What could it hurt? And, in fact, it's changing my life. 

Back to the man at the pool! Jesus told him to pick up his mat. Jesus knew the man would no longer need the mat. Also, the mat wasn't left behind for someone else to use. Jesus's response uses verbs, action words. The man's healing required action, effort, and movement...he had to put in the work!!! Yes, Jesus healed him, but it required action on the man's part. What good would it have been to be healed by Jesus, but continue to lay on that mat! When we are healed, from anything(not just physical ailments), we should't stay the same way! Can you imagine the amazement of all the people who were used to seeing the lame man on that mat year after year? "Poor guy has no help getting in the pool for his healing, that's a rough deal!". To, "Did you see him, you know that lame guy, he's not lame anymore! He's walking around with his mat now!". 

There is SO MUCH MORE in this chapter that I can dive into, big time! But, my take away today, is that we have to do our part! We ask the Lord for healing, but we usually want to maintain the same level of comfort after. What if our healing causes discomfort? In my case, I can't eat the same way I used to. I used to used food as comfort, not as fuel or medicine. There is nothing wrong with enjoying food, but a piece of cheesecake just isn't worth it for me to have joint pain, inflammation, insomnia, etc. for the next 2 days! And, truth be told, its no longer uncomfortable for me, these lifestyle changes overall. I asked God for healing months ago, and he said, "Okay, I gave you what's needed for healing, now go do it!". 

I had to pick up my mat...