Depression's Shame
Depression. That word, depression, carries with it much shame, discomfort, and isolation for many. I don't like telling on myself when depressed, except for with a very few trusted people.
~~~Disclaimer~~~
This post is not about sympathy, attention, or self pity! It is about naming something very real that many of us, including Christian's, deal with, but are ashamed to admit. My goal is to shed light to the shame attached to depression. When you give a name to it, you know what you are dealing with and take away it's power. There are those who need to hear that they are not the only ones struggling!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have struggled with depression for a few weeks now, and have tried all the usual things to "get over it". The months of sunless gloominess, financial strain, familial difficulties, physical exhaustion, and feelings of rejection caught up with me. Thinking positive & staying busy was not working.
Here is just a little background:Latin culture LOATHES talking about depression or anything regarding mental health! I can remember friends, when I was growing up, who would get beaten by their parents if they told their school counselors how they were feeling. This was my "normal" growing up, that depression was something "que era de locos, y de que no se hablaba!"(for crazy people, it doesn't get spoken of). In my extended family growing up, my voice(in many matters)was usually pushed aside, and I felt invisible.
So when I, as an adult, go through bouts of depression, I immediately feel shame! I fully understand the power of prayer and binding those things that are not of Christ! Sometimes though, if I can just say out loud my struggle, it ceases to have a hold over me. What stops me is knowing how uncomfortable it can make others. Some people want to prescribe a positive quote, a "what you need to do is...", or tell you it's not a big deal. This shame many times has kept me locked in a place of feeling more rejection BECAUSE I am depressed. The word depressed means pressed down, and shame can feel like the boot on your back that says "stay down, they'll reject you!"
This weekend I had a major battle with this very shame. At a prayer meeting, I felt the urge to confess just how bad my depression was, what that tape playing in my head was saying. While I shared in a room full of 30+ people I immediately felt ashamed, that I was going through it. The person leading had me pray over myself and declare God's truth. When I was done I was pushed aside (literally pushed)as the leader returned in prayer to the person who shared right before me. It was a field day in my head! I immediately felt invisible again, pushed aside to make way for someone elses voice. I felt rejected and that shame returned. It was just last night, in my kitchen (after a very stressful situation), that I got on my knees and prayed over myself. I prayed over feelings of rejection, shame, and fear that people will misunderstand my heart and motives and think I am weak. After praying over myself in private, I felt it break, the shame and guilt.
My only piece of advice if you know someone suffering from depression is to never make them feel ashamed, weak or less than. Life can be hard for others in ways we'll never know! There are some people who carry loads that would send others screaming for the hills. Not everyone has a good support system. Pray over your friends, encourage them, and include them. Even Job's friends thought they were helping through his depression/grieving/mourning, instead the Lord called their input folly. The Lord has stirred my heart to pray over those who have added pain to where my pain is already present, not easy but a must! My flesh screams for retribution, God whispers that I pray their blessing. My flesh whispers that it's not fair, God yells that His love is enough.
~~~Disclaimer~~~
This post is not about sympathy, attention, or self pity! It is about naming something very real that many of us, including Christian's, deal with, but are ashamed to admit. My goal is to shed light to the shame attached to depression. When you give a name to it, you know what you are dealing with and take away it's power. There are those who need to hear that they are not the only ones struggling!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have struggled with depression for a few weeks now, and have tried all the usual things to "get over it". The months of sunless gloominess, financial strain, familial difficulties, physical exhaustion, and feelings of rejection caught up with me. Thinking positive & staying busy was not working.
Here is just a little background:Latin culture LOATHES talking about depression or anything regarding mental health! I can remember friends, when I was growing up, who would get beaten by their parents if they told their school counselors how they were feeling. This was my "normal" growing up, that depression was something "que era de locos, y de que no se hablaba!"(for crazy people, it doesn't get spoken of). In my extended family growing up, my voice(in many matters)was usually pushed aside, and I felt invisible.
So when I, as an adult, go through bouts of depression, I immediately feel shame! I fully understand the power of prayer and binding those things that are not of Christ! Sometimes though, if I can just say out loud my struggle, it ceases to have a hold over me. What stops me is knowing how uncomfortable it can make others. Some people want to prescribe a positive quote, a "what you need to do is...", or tell you it's not a big deal. This shame many times has kept me locked in a place of feeling more rejection BECAUSE I am depressed. The word depressed means pressed down, and shame can feel like the boot on your back that says "stay down, they'll reject you!"
This weekend I had a major battle with this very shame. At a prayer meeting, I felt the urge to confess just how bad my depression was, what that tape playing in my head was saying. While I shared in a room full of 30+ people I immediately felt ashamed, that I was going through it. The person leading had me pray over myself and declare God's truth. When I was done I was pushed aside (literally pushed)as the leader returned in prayer to the person who shared right before me. It was a field day in my head! I immediately felt invisible again, pushed aside to make way for someone elses voice. I felt rejected and that shame returned. It was just last night, in my kitchen (after a very stressful situation), that I got on my knees and prayed over myself. I prayed over feelings of rejection, shame, and fear that people will misunderstand my heart and motives and think I am weak. After praying over myself in private, I felt it break, the shame and guilt.
My only piece of advice if you know someone suffering from depression is to never make them feel ashamed, weak or less than. Life can be hard for others in ways we'll never know! There are some people who carry loads that would send others screaming for the hills. Not everyone has a good support system. Pray over your friends, encourage them, and include them. Even Job's friends thought they were helping through his depression/grieving/mourning, instead the Lord called their input folly. The Lord has stirred my heart to pray over those who have added pain to where my pain is already present, not easy but a must! My flesh screams for retribution, God whispers that I pray their blessing. My flesh whispers that it's not fair, God yells that His love is enough.
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