One of these things is not like the other

 

On Sesame Street when I was growing up, there was a segment named one of these things is not like the other. They would show a picture of 4 things, 3 things would be alike and one would be different. I have always been the different! As an adult I struggled to "fix" that part of myself. This year has been a year of self re-discovery and I have LOVED it! The one question that has continued to surface for me is that of what is acceptable. Why do I feel like I have to be like everyone else?

 

It is okay to be different

Can we say that? Repeat after me, it is okay to be different! I discovered this after moving to Western Pennsylvania 4+ years ago from NYC. As a Nuyorican(born in NYC to Puerto Rican parents), Western PA was a completely different world to me. My accent is different, the foods I eat on the holidays are different, the style of worship I'm used to at church is different and so on and so forth. I struggled (and still do) with coming to a place of retaining who I am innately while respecting and honoring the place where God has me for now. Over and over again through scripture, prayer, encouragement from others and my own advice, I have come to celebrate that I am different.

 

Wanting to belong is not a "bad thing"

All humans long to be loved, part of a family and accepted. A healthy example is in a family a child feels nurtured and cared for in a loving environment, in adolescence feels supported to discover their identity and grows to be an adult who contributes to society. An unhealthy example would be that child who grew up in an unhealthy home environment, without emotional support who is now searching for validation from anyone willing to give it (even in unhealthy forms). In and of itself, wanting to belong is not a bad thing. We as humans were created to do life together, and life is better done with community!

 

Look to "belong" where you are challenged

I will always want to belong! But I don't want to live a cookie cutter life where I look, act, dress and talk like a set group of people where I never go deeper than swapping casserole recipes. This has been HUGE for me! Part of my healing process took place when I became part of a Celebrate Recovery program. It is a Christ based 12 step program using the principles of the Beatitudes (Mark 5) to recover from hurts, hang-ups and habits. There, I realized I was co-dependent; constantly people pleasing, seeking approval and losing myself in other peoples lives/problems/issues! I was challenged to do the work of fighting that. Also, keeping myself accountable to safe people who will call me out when I am settling for less than what I am capable of has played a factor. I NEED to be challenged or I get bored and live a monotonous life centered on my needs, my wants, and only me (yuck).

 

So Sesame Street had it right in observing which one of these tings is not like the other! But they also had it right in the follow up. You see, they celebrated things by asking questions and having discussions about it. Like the times when Kermit and Elmo have talked about things like hair, skin color, feelings etc. They acknowledge it, ask questions, listen to the answers and then find common denominators.