Delicious Ambiguity
In 6th grade, my teacher Mrs. Tierney, read to us each day from Gilda Radner's autobiography. I only remember bits and pieces of her story. Her and Gene were wildly in love, her dog Sparkle once accidentally ate rat poison, and she was fighting cancer with humor. And I also remember her talking about how in life we never know how things will turn out, and that even in the bad, it is exciting and still worth living! Today I found one of her quotes
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. Gilda Radner
There have been many times in my life when changes have been dropped in my lap without my being warned, or I've had to make a spur of the moment major life decision with no clue which way things would go. So, I understand Gilda's sentiment on some poems not rhyming. I am twice divorced, I have been a single parent most of my daughters lives, I didn't get past a semester in college, and I am not in the place in my life that I thought I'd be in my late 30's. YET I am in a beautifully messy, difficult, blossoming and magical place. I have re-discovered my voice, desires, and passions these last 2 years, and I am excited and scared at the same time!
Things always change
Four months ago I received a group text stating that the man who leads the Celebrate Recovery group that I attend had just died. I immediately called the person who sent the text and asked if it was true, and of course it was. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and all I could do was sob! Mike had become like a dad to me and now he was gone. Just 9 days before, our CR team was just in his home having a meeting. Just a month earlier a small team of us traveled with him and his wife to Maryland for an event. THIS COULD NOT BE! But it was, and it happened, and we didn't know what would happen next. Thank God our group has come together and we are willing to do the work of keeping the ministry going, to make the best of it. Things always change.
It's okay not to know....yet
I don't have my life plan all figured out but I know what I need to do in the next few weeks and months. I've wanted to start writing again, so I started this blog. I want to be able to travel more often, so I am applying for work that may allow me to do so. I want to learn and grow in God's grace and love towards the hurting, so I am surrounding myself with people who do these things well. I truly believe that in taking these steps, even afraid, things will become clearer. But if things change, am I willing to make the best of it without knowing what'll happen next? I may not know, but eventually I hope to know a little more of what my life may look like.
Ambiguity can be delicious
In some ways I have come to enjoy the not knowing. The Lord has come through for me in so many ways that can't be explained....but God. I am learning to not worry, or at least I am getting better at trying not to. I am believing myself when I say "Angie, God will provide, he WILL!". I do my part in areas where I can, and when all I can humanly do is over, I trust and wait for the Lord's leading. And when it comes I want to savor it, the way you savor a delicious piece of food! The ambiguity of my life has stretched me to love people harder, trust my God more, encourage my children better, believe in myself more often, lighten up on people and continue to be a seeker.
I don't know what'll happen next, but I believe my life will not be perfect, but it will be delicious! Just like Gilda said about life, it's always something!
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. Gilda Radner
There have been many times in my life when changes have been dropped in my lap without my being warned, or I've had to make a spur of the moment major life decision with no clue which way things would go. So, I understand Gilda's sentiment on some poems not rhyming. I am twice divorced, I have been a single parent most of my daughters lives, I didn't get past a semester in college, and I am not in the place in my life that I thought I'd be in my late 30's. YET I am in a beautifully messy, difficult, blossoming and magical place. I have re-discovered my voice, desires, and passions these last 2 years, and I am excited and scared at the same time!
Things always change
Four months ago I received a group text stating that the man who leads the Celebrate Recovery group that I attend had just died. I immediately called the person who sent the text and asked if it was true, and of course it was. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach and all I could do was sob! Mike had become like a dad to me and now he was gone. Just 9 days before, our CR team was just in his home having a meeting. Just a month earlier a small team of us traveled with him and his wife to Maryland for an event. THIS COULD NOT BE! But it was, and it happened, and we didn't know what would happen next. Thank God our group has come together and we are willing to do the work of keeping the ministry going, to make the best of it. Things always change.
It's okay not to know....yet
I don't have my life plan all figured out but I know what I need to do in the next few weeks and months. I've wanted to start writing again, so I started this blog. I want to be able to travel more often, so I am applying for work that may allow me to do so. I want to learn and grow in God's grace and love towards the hurting, so I am surrounding myself with people who do these things well. I truly believe that in taking these steps, even afraid, things will become clearer. But if things change, am I willing to make the best of it without knowing what'll happen next? I may not know, but eventually I hope to know a little more of what my life may look like.
Ambiguity can be delicious
In some ways I have come to enjoy the not knowing. The Lord has come through for me in so many ways that can't be explained....but God. I am learning to not worry, or at least I am getting better at trying not to. I am believing myself when I say "Angie, God will provide, he WILL!". I do my part in areas where I can, and when all I can humanly do is over, I trust and wait for the Lord's leading. And when it comes I want to savor it, the way you savor a delicious piece of food! The ambiguity of my life has stretched me to love people harder, trust my God more, encourage my children better, believe in myself more often, lighten up on people and continue to be a seeker.
I don't know what'll happen next, but I believe my life will not be perfect, but it will be delicious! Just like Gilda said about life, it's always something!
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