Romper room moments

As a kid, I watched a LOT of TV! I was the youngest, TV became a babysitter, and I loved shows like Mr. Rogers, NOVA, Marty Stouffer's Wild America and Romper Room. Every day I watched Romper Room waiting to hear my name called. You know, at the end she named boys and girls as she looked through her magic mirror....but she never said my name. And that sums up a lot of my life, my name was never said, I wasn't chosen, people didn't see me.

This year has come and gone, and with it, there was a lot of death. And with death came introspection and much processing. Legacy is word that has rung in my ears all throughout this year! What will my legacy be? What will people remember of me? Do people even know anything about me? That last question, oh the tears I've shed over that last one! New Yorker's ask LOTS of questions, Western PA folk do not. Let me rephrase that, Western PA folk do not ask ME many questions. In the past 5 years I have gotten married, divorced, moved 3 times, dealt with parenting issues alone that one should NEVER go through alone, dealt with abuse and experienced things firsthand that one only hears about on daytime talk shows. With this all has come weariness, exhaustion and at times overwhelming depression.

I have been asked by family, friends and even subtle acquaintances "why don't you just move away?"! Good question, on many days I ask myself that very question. A woman friend at church, after my divorce, said to me "Angie, we just don't know what to do with people like you here!". People like me. I almost left after that one! Then a dear friend of mine, at one of my lowest points, said to me "keep using your voice, it is powerful, it is God given, it carries truth. It's not the type of truth we want to hear, or how we want to hear it, but keep saying it!". I remembered the Bible verse that says

The wicked run away when no one is chasing them,
    but the godly are as bold as lions.
Proverbs 28:1

Fast forward and the Lord has been faithful to bless me in so ways, and I have learned that the family I thought I would have here came from a different source than the one I imagined. But there are still Romper Room days, today is one of them. It is a lonely feeling to be in the midst of people who know nothing about you after years. My life has always been lonely, you'd have to hear my testimony to understand, and I am now at a place of understanding how God uses it so I can understand certain people and how to reach them. I "get" anger, rage, doubting, questioning and the non fluffy side of Christianity! It ISN'T a Hallmark card and life in a fallen sinful world means we get to rake up the $@#T that comes with it! Most people I encounter while doing life, their name was never called either! 

But maybe we should create a place where everyone's name is called, it may take a while, but people are willing to wait...